I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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