Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize