So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
