I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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