Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
