If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
