Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
