All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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