It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
