well you can't waste a boner
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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