Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
