My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize