A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
