you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
