so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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