I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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