So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
