She said her name was "party"
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize