If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
