Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
