2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
