Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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