im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
