That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
