Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
