I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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