I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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