btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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