I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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