you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
