I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
