She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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