At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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