i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
cat food counts as protein by the way
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up under a house in Key West
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
