one two three fourrrrnication!
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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