There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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