I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
