my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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