You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
