your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
