im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
