I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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