Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
