Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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