bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
