He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
