god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i think i just lost a toe
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize