remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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