I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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