I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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