So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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