Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
