Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
