I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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