i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
