there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
