You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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