so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
