Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
