My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I will pee on everything he values.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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