Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Randomize
