How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
