I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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