OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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