We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
