if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
