JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
