Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize