i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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