So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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