I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
