So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
