He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
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