I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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