I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
