so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
