my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
