He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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