there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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