Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
