Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
