3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
