the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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