Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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