CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
