Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
