heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
