Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize