The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
