I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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