Define "chronic" masturbator.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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