dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
my liver is dry heaving
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
His nipple licking is glorious
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