i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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