Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize