I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
